How do you know if a person loves you

You know the feelings you get when you’re falling for someone new. You have butterflies, a constant desire to chat or text them, and think about them constantly. When you first start crushing hard, the feelings can be really intense and there’s a sense of excitement that, often, is difficult to describe — it actually feels pretty similar to when you’re falling in love for real. Because of that, it can be hard to distinguish between a crush, romantic love, platonic love, or even infatuation.

When it comes to platonic love, things are more straightforward. “Platonic love involves a deep care for the person but is absent of the intrusiveness of thinking about them, future planning with them, possibly having jealous feelings, and having a strong attraction and sexual desire for the person,” Dr. Pauline Peck, a Santa Barbara, California-based licensed psychologist, says. You can form platonic relationships with your friends, family members, or anyone you’re close to.

Things may get more tricky when trying to decipher between romantic love and a crush. “There is so much going on in the brain during the initial part of the relationship — lots of chemical and hormonal interactions that are happening in our brains and bodies,” Dr. Peck explains. But two things to take note of are time and compatibility, she says.

“These chemicals cannot be sustained in the same intensity over time, so as we get to know someone and some of the intensity wanes, we really get to see whether our feelings are deeper or have subsided,” Dr. Peck says. “We might be sexually attracted to someone but that doesn’t mean that they are a fit for the things we want and need for a sustainable, long-term relationship. Crushes can happen on a superficial basis but we will develop deeper feelings for someone who is in line with our wants and values for a relationship.”

So while it might take time to decipher a true love from a crush, there are some indicators to look out for. Below, Dr. Peck and Maria Sullivan, dating expert and vice president of Dating.com, break down some of the clear signs that you’re in love with someone.

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1. You’re happy and just a little bit nervous

The thought of spending time with your partner really excites you and makes you happy, and looking at the dozens of selfies you took together is enough to put a cheesy smile on your face. But being in love also makes you a tiny bit nervous. You’re anxious for what the future holds, because it is relatively unknown and you know that you want your relationship to last. “Lots of people compare love to something they could not lose or let pass them by,” Sullivan explains.

2. Everything feels new and exciting

You’re excited to do things you’ve already done a million times before, because it’s with your partner this time. They’re the first ones you think of when you see a romantic movie preview or when you’re planning to make a trip to Chipotle. You’d even be willing to sit through four hours of a sports game if it means spending time with them. Sullivan says that’s because love sparks a new change in you. “When you’re in love, the basis of your perception changes. I compare it to a feeling of being really awake and excited,” she shares. “You have found someone that makes everything feel new and intriguing — even if it’s just sitting on the couch watching TV.”

3. Your relationship feels easy

Being with your partner isn’t constant hard work. You don’t have to struggle to find time to spend with them because you simply want to. “When we are flooded with feel-good emotions and empathy, believe [a partner] is unique and special, and see them in a positive light, a relationship is easy,” Dr. Peck explains.

There are disagreements and arguments here and there, but they don’t feel overwhelmingly intense or like they’ll end the relationship. When you’re in love, your priority is your relationship, not your pride. You “communicate, compromise, and choose to be responsive rather than reactive,” Dr. Peck says.

4. This person is on your mind all the time

You might have a sudden thought to call them because you haven’t chatted in a few hours. Or, maybe, you go into a clothing store with the intention of buying something for yourself, and then end up buying something for your partner, too. “When you like someone, you can brush it off and think of other things as you go about your day,” Sullivan says. When you’re in love, this person is always on your mind, but not in an overwhelming or unhealthy way. “When you love someone, you are physically, mentally, and emotionally impacted at theoretically any/all time(s). It is a calm and secure reality you will consistently crave,” Sullivan says.

5. You get just a little jealous

“Jealousy is a normal human emotion,” Dr. Peck says.

“As long as jealousy does not turn into controlling behavior and abuse, it can be a sign that you care about the person,” Dr. Peck adds. “After all, one sign of falling in love is wanting that person ‘to yourself’ and feeling more and more like you want them to be ‘yours.’ Of course, in a healthy relationship, you acknowledge that every person is an autonomous being, but wanting to be close to them isn’t wrong or bad.”

6. You become more affectionate towards them

You’re of course attracted to your partner, so it’s only natural that you want to physically show signs of affection often. Whether it’s simply holding hands or turning your cuddling into an intense make-out session, when you’re in love, you consistently want to be affectionate towards your second half.

7. You want to bring them around your family and friends

When you’re really into your relationship, you want them to know the other important people in your life — such as your family and close friends — so they can be a part of those relationships, too. While there is no specific answer for when it’s the right time to introduce your SO to others, there are some factors to consider. “How serious is the relationship? Have you had time to get to know the person without the inclusion of other’s opinions, advice, or experiences added to the mix?,” Dr. Peck asks. She also advises people don’t view meeting the family as “one monolithic thing.”

“Maybe you have lunch with some cousins your age before you’re ready for your partner to meet your parents, for example,” she suggests.

8. You start feeling a sense of empathy towards your partner

“Empathy is a byproduct of intimacy,” Dr. Peck explains. It’s common to start seeing your SO as an extension of yourself, so when they’re hurt, nervous, or really excited about something, like getting accepted into a school or program they really wanted, then you often experience the same emotions as them. Feeling empathy towards your partner also makes you want to make tiny sacrifices for them, like getting up and going to the store for some soup and medicine when they’re sick. Small things like that are easy to do for the person you love.

9. You want to know everything about them

No detail is too small when it comes to your person. You want to know everything, from their favorite childhood television show to what’s on their bucket list. You crave the nights where you stay up all night talking over text, or cozy date nights that involve deep conversation and connection. You don’t just want to know all the good things, either — you care about what keeps them up at night, their fears, and their regrets. With everything you share and learn about each other, the closer you feel and the better you understand one another.

Like empathy, “curiosity is also a byproduct of caring for someone,” Dr. Peck shares. “These are natural positive emotions we feel that signal to us that we want to approach and become closer to the person. They happen to help motivate us to learn more about them and form the bonds that we all need to thrive and feel connected.”

10. You’re becoming a better person

Being with your second half makes you want to improve yourself in some way, whether it’s setting new goals or having a more positive attitude. Your partner motivates and encourages you to go after your dreams and to be the best version of yourself, and vice versa. “You want to see them happy and content,” Dr. Peck says.

11. You start planning for the future

It doesn’t take a specific amount of time to fall in love, Dr. Peck says. “It often takes people months of regular contact and seeing one another in a variety of settings to have a true sense for whether this is the right match for you,” she adds.

But once you do recognize true feelings of love, you know that you don’t want to let them go any time soon, if ever. So, you start to include them in your future adventures, whether it’s going on vacation or figuring out your plan after graduation. You think of your partner when you’re making big decisions because you want them to be there for it all.

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Jasmine Gomez is the  Associate Commerce Editor at Women’s Health and covers health, fitness, sex, culture and cool products. She enjoys karaoke and dining out more than she cares to admit.

Jasmine Washington is an Assistant Editor at Seventeen, where she covers celebrity news, beauty, lifestyle, and more. For the past decade, she has worked for media outlets, including BET, MadameNoire, VH1, and many others, where she used her voice to tell stories across various verticals. Follow her on Instagram.

Leah Campano is an assistant editor at Seventeen, where she covers pop culture, entertainment news, health, and politics. On the weekends, you can probably find her watching marathons of vintage Real Housewives episodes or searching for New York City’s best almond croissants. 

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