You know what that makes you lois

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Quotes 

• Lois Griffin : Sweetie, it's broccoli, it's good for you. Now open up for the airplane.

  Stewie Griffin : Never! Damn the broccoli! Damn you! And damn the Wright Brothers!

• Lois Griffin : You should spend some time with our kids, Peter. And with me.

  Peter Griffin : Uh, what could me and you do together?

  [Lois giggles] 

  Peter Griffin : Lois. You've got a sick mind.

  Lois Griffin : Peter, I'm talking about making love.

  Peter Griffin : Oh. I thought you wanted us to murder the children and harvest their organs for beer money.

• Lois Griffin : [Stewie is refusing to eat his broccoli]  My, aren't we fussy tonight? Okay, no broccoli.

  Stewie Griffin : Very well, then. Like...

  [Lois forcefully sticks a forkful of broccoli into his mouth] 

  Stewie Griffin : [spitting the broccoli out]  Who the hell do you think you are?

• Lois Griffin : Peter, you're bribing your daughter with a car?

  Peter Griffin : Come on, Lois, isn't "bribe" just another word for "love"?

• Peter Griffin : Come on, everyone. We're late for the Bavarian Folk Festival. You know those Germans. You don't join their party, they come get you.

  Chris Griffin : But, Dad, the TV's back on.

  Peter Griffin : Huh, what do you know? Okay, let's go.

  Lois Griffin : Peter, I'm thrilled that you want to spend so much time with the family. But we're exhausted. Maybe we could just sit and watch some TV together?

  Peter Griffin : Why? We're too busy living life to the fullest. Come on, let's go.

  Chris Griffin : I'm sick of life.

  Brian Griffin : [massaging his back paws to soothe the pain]  Yeah, my... my dogs are barking.

  Peter Griffin : But I thought we were having fun.

  Meg Griffin : We were. But now it might be nice to watch other people have fun or get killed. You know, whatever's on.

  Lois Griffin : [indicating "Star Trek" is on]  Look, Peter, it's your favorite show.

  Kirk : All right, men. This is a dangerous mission. And it's likely one of us will be killed. The landing party will consist of myself, Mr. Spock, Dr. McCoy, and Ensign Ricky.

  Ension Ricky : [wearing a red shirt]  Aw, crap.

• Lois Griffin : Come on, Stewie. You know you can't leave the table until you finish your vegetables.

  Stewie Griffin : Well, then, I shall sit here until one of us expires. And you've got a good 40 years on me, woman!

• Lois Griffin : What is wrong with you people? O-Okay, yes, my husband is responsible for knocking out TV. But we should be thanking him. He's broken television's hypnotic spell over us. I mean, now we can see the world what it is, a beautiful place full of wonderful things just waiting to be experienced.

  Peter Griffin : Aw, jeez, another chick flick.

• Lois Griffin : Oh, look at Stewie. Isn't he adorable playing with his "Sesame Street" phone?

  Stewie Griffin : Put me through to the Pentagon.

  Ernie : Do you know what sound a cow makes?

  Stewie Griffin : Don't toy with me, Ernie! I've already dispatched with Mr. Hooper, I've got six armed men stationed outside Big Bird's nest, and as for Linda? Well, it's rather difficult for a deaf woman to hear an assassin approach, now, isn't it?

  Ernie : Can you count to three?

  Stewie Griffin : Oh, indeed, I can.

  [taking out a blaster and shooting the phone] 

  Stewie Griffin : One! Two! Three!

  [laughing scoff] 

  Stewie Griffin : Can I count to three? For God's sake, I'm already shooting at a fifth-grade level.

• Lois Griffin : Oh, come on, Peter. Don't you miss TV just a little? The familiar stories, the broadly drawn characters, the convenient plot turns that bring a character around at exactly the right moment?

  William Shatner : [coming through the front door]  Hi. I'm William Shatner. My car broke down while I was on my way to give a speech about how TV keeps families together. Say, would you like to hear it?

  Peter Griffin : No, no, no, I gotta run. I don't want to miss the all-you-can-eat schnitzel bar.

  William Shatner : Wait a minute! I love schnitzel.

  Peter Griffin : Oh, well, come on along. I bet you could squeeze into Lois' lederhosen.

  William Shatner : [moving to Lois, his toupee remains hanging in midair]  I'll change in the car.

• Lois Griffin : Brian, I'm a little worried about Peter. Last night, I woke up and he was channel-surfing through static.

  Brian Griffin : Oh, I'm sure he'll find a way to cope.

  Peter Griffin : [coming in with a cardboard TV screen strapped to himself]  Morning, Lois.

  Brian Griffin : Huh. And you were worried.

  Lois Griffin : Peter, what the hell is that?

  Peter Griffin : It's my favorite TV family, the Griffins.

  Lois Griffin : Peter, you're scaring me. I'm beginning to think you're losing your grip on reality.

  Peter Griffin : Boring. I'll go see what else is on.

  Lois Griffin : Peter!

  [to Brian as she follows him out] 

  Lois Griffin : Keep an eye on Stewie.

  Brian Griffin : Don't move.

  Stewie Griffin : [in his high chair, he makes various funny gestures, ultimately falling over]  A little help?

• Meg Griffin : Guess what, Mom? Dad crashed the car into the city cable transmitter.

  Lois Griffin : What?

  Meg Griffin : Oh, it's okay. If I take the blame, he's gonna buy me a convertible when I get my license.

  Peter Griffin : Uh, M-Meg, it-it's not exactly taking the blame if you go around telling everyone.

• Meg Griffin : Mom, will you take me out to practice driving?

  Lois Griffin : I'm teaching a piano lesson in half an hour. Maybe your father can take you.

  Peter Griffin : Ah, sorry, Meg. Daddy loves you, but Daddy also loves "Star Trek", and in all fairness, "Star Trek" was here first.

  Kirk : [with exaggerated body movements]  Captain's log, stardate 8169.7. The Enterprise has just discovered a strange new planet in the Gamma Faloppia star system. Mr. Sulu, ahead warp 9.

  [his pants rip, revealing "captain's log" on his underwear] 

  Lois Griffin : For God's sake, Peter. You've been sitting in front of the TV since you got home from work. Why don't you spend some time with your family?

  Peter Griffin : I will, I'm just gonna do it during the commercials. And if that's wrong, well, then... then maybe I'm missing the point of having commercials.

• Lois Griffin : [teaching Meg to drive while it's raining]  This is not safe. I'll teach you how to drive some other time. Pull over.

  Meg Griffin : Mom, I can't even tell where "over" is.

What episode does Lois calls Peter a child?

What episode is Lil Griffins?