Some people are fortunate to have loving, supportive relationships with their siblings that can sometimes be far deeper than friendships. Occasional feelings of anger and hate can be present even in the closest of sibling relationships. Show
However, others may not be on the best terms with their siblings. If you feel like you hate your sister, you’re not alone. It is common for siblings to fight, which can lead to rivalry and hatred over time. Hatred for a sibling can set in at any age, in childhood or adulthood. It can intensify over time or dissipate as the years pass. Many adult siblings find it difficult to get along and cannot spend time together without arguing or fighting with each other. Some siblings are even estranged from each other or their families, due to sibling rivalries. This article explores some reasons why you might hate your sister as well as some coping strategies that may be helpful. Reasons Why You Might Hate Your SisterThese are some reasons why you might hate your sister:
Coping StrategiesHate is an intense feeling that can be emotionally draining. In addition, you may also experience other emotions such as guilt and shame, for hating your sister instead of loving her or forgiving her. These are some strategies that can help you cope with the emotions you’re experiencing. Prioritize Safety“If you can identify a specific way in which your sister has harmed you, it’s best to get as much distance from her as your circumstances allow, at least temporarily, so you can think your situation through. If there’s still a safety risk, put your safety above everything else,” says Daramus. Understand Parental BehaviorIf you think your parents prefer your sister, you may feel slighted by them often. However, it can help to examine their behavior and understand its causes. Your parents may not be favoring your sister intentionally and they may not realize that their actions are hurting your feelings. For instance, your parents may be closer to your sister because they live close by and therefore see each other more often. Or, they may share common interests with your sister, that they have bonded over together. Seek TherapyAimee Daramus, PsyDIf you hate your sister and can’t really understand why, or if you think that your own issues are the problem, definitely try to get therapy. — Aimee Daramus, PsyD “You might have some irrational anger to work through, or you might be projecting something onto them. Either way, hate is often irrational and leads to decisions that make things worse,” says Daramus. Therapy can be a helpful way to understand why you hate your sister and how you can cope with your feelings. Avoid CompetingYou may have a tendency to compete with your sister. This tendency may be ingrained from a very young age and may be fanned by other members of your family (for instance, they may say things like, "Your sister has such a well-paying job!”). Avoid competing with your sister and try to accept yourself the way you are. Start seeing yourself as an individual entity who is working hard, not someone who doesn’t earn as much as their sister. Set BoundariesIt can be helpful to set boundaries in your relationship with your sister, to protect yourself. These can take different shapes and forms, depending on what you’re comfortable with. For instance, you may feel that discussing certain topics are off-limits, or you may not want to spend time with your sister outside of family gatherings. Find the Support and Acceptance You NeedEven if you’re not close to your sister, you can find support in other areas. Daramus recommends surrounding yourself with people who care about you and support you. This could include your parents, partner, children, friends, other family members, colleagues, support groups, or other people in your life. Apart from people, you may even find acceptance and a sense of belonging in spirituality, art, music, books, and movies. A Word From VerywellSibling relationships are often turbulent, and in some cases they can lead to rivalry and hatred. Daramus notes that hating someone is a painful way to live and recommends seeking therapy, spiritual guidance, and the company of those who care about you and support you. Verywell Mind uses only high-quality sources, including peer-reviewed studies, to support the facts within our articles. Read our editorial process to learn more about how we fact-check and keep our content accurate, reliable, and trustworthy.
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Sanjana Gupta Thanks for your feedback! How do I get my big sister to stop crying?Offer her a shoulder to cry on and be a good listener. If she wants it, you can offer to help her. Once you've had a good talk, try to find an activity to help cheer her up. If your sister is still a child, you can comfort her by helping her to calm down and finding a solution to whatever is bothering her.
How do you deal with an angry sister?If your sister is upset with you, ask her to explain her feelings so you can understand where she's coming from. Try to be patient, and really absorb what she's saying so you're better able to address the problem. Avoid interrupting her and trying to defend yourself while she's talking too.
Why does my little sister copy me?They like to feel they have the power to get a reaction from you. Its really fun for them when they can. The one true way to keep it from being fun for her, is to ignore her, laugh it off and walk away, or act like you don't care. When she sees she can no longer control your attitude, she'll get bored and stop.
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