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Chapter 4. Finding and Adding FriendsIn real life, your social network consists not just of people who work or study where you do, but also of people you’ve formed one-on-one relationships with: teachers, ex-sisters-in-law, bowling buddies, and so on. It’s the same with Facebook: You start with a network of school or work buddies (see Chapter 3), and then add friends one at a time. You can also use Facebook to look up old friends and find new ones. Why would you want to enlarge your Facebook social circle? Well, having friends is really the whole point of joining Facebook. You get to swap life-in-progress tidbits (both serious and silly), share what you’re reading, play online games…the list is endless. But first you need to gather your pals. Read on to learn how. How Facebook Friends WorkIn the world of Facebook, a friend is any Facebook member who has agreed that you two have something in common. Maybe you play on the same softball team, volunteer at the local animal shelter together, or keep running into each other at parties thrown by the same ex-roommate. Maybe you dated, took a road trip together, or you’re second cousins twice removed. How you know a Facebook friend doesn’t matter; all that matters is that you both agree that you know each other. NoteFacebook has no way of verifying the relationships between friends. But one of the major differences between Facebook and MySpace—the other big social networking site—is that Facebook strongly encourages truthfulness. So, while having a zillion “friends” is considered a status symbol on MySpace, it’s not such a big deal on Facebook—and may even prove annoying. Because Facebook lards your home page with news of your “friends’ ” activities, having to weed through a bunch of news about people you don’t really know doing a bunch of things you don’t really care about gets old quick. On Facebook, the goal is to put together a manageable list of people you actually know—and actually care about keeping up with. Two people become Facebook friends when one person extends an invitation and the other person accepts, or confirms, it. When you become friends with someone on Facebook, three things happen:
TipChapter 6 explains how to sign up for updates on your friends’ Facebook activities and how to customize the updates your friends get about you. Finding FriendsBefore you can make someone your friend, you first have to find that person on Facebook. The site gives you four different ways to do this:
The following sections explain all of your options. Finding People Who Are Facebook MembersSome of your real-life friends and acquaintances might already be on Facebook. To find them, use one of the following search methods:
Finding People Who Aren’t Facebook MembersYou can’t add people to your friend list unless they’re Facebook members. But say you’ve got a few real-life pals you wish would sign up for the site so you could keep in touch more easily. Facebook gives you an easy way to invite these people to join:
Finding New FriendsBack in the olden days of Facebook, the site gave its members an easy way to connect with each other one-on-one based on shared interests and other profile information, such as political views, hobbies, or favorite bands. You simply typed in what kind of folks you wanted to meet—for example, single moms in your area who like to knit—and bingo: You got an instant list of potential pals, complete with a built-in conversation opener. You can still search for kindred spirits on Facebook—after all, that’s one of the reasons Facebook is so popular—but to keep from becoming a giant spam free-for-all, the site has changed the way you search. Rather than the advanced search feature you used to use, Facebook now offers four different ways to find like-minded members:
NoteFacebook applications vary in quality, and they all look and work a little differently. So after you find one you think looks interesting, you’ll want to spend a couple minutes checking out its reviews and playing with it to see if it works for you. To learn more about Facebook applications, flip to Chapter 13. Inviting People to Be Your FriendYou can’t just add people to your friend list willy-nilly; they have to be Facebook members and agree to be added. (Finding People Who Aren’t Facebook Members explains how to invite non-Facebook members to join the site.) To invite a Facebook member to be your friend:
Responding to Friend RequestsWhen someone tries to add you to her friend list, two things happen: Facebook sends you an email invitation and posts a little notice on your Home page telling you that someone wants to be your friend. At that point, you’ve got two choices: You can confirm the request or ignore it, either on Facebook or right in your email program. Confirming Email RequestsIf you’re the type of person who checks his email every hour (or every 5 minutes) but only logs onto Facebook every couple of days, you’ll want to handle friend requests from inside your email program. Here’s how:
Confirming Requests in FacebookSome people log into Facebook whenever they’re in front of a computer. If you’re one of them, it’s easier to respond to friend requests from your Facebook Home page than to fire up your email program and wade through your inbox looking for invitations. To confirm a friend request from inside Facebook:
Ignoring a Friend RequestIn Facebook as in life, there will be times when someone extends the hand of friendship and you just don’t want to shake it. After all, confirming a friend request doesn’t only give your new pal (and all the Facebook applications he uses; see Finding Applications) access to a big chunk of your personal life; it also lets the world know that you think enough of the guy to declare yourself his friend. If you get a friend request from someone you’ve never heard of, say, or whose profile paints a picture so creepy you want to lock your virtual door, all you have to do is quietly remove all traces of the request and get on with your life. To do so:
Viewing Your FriendsFacebook automatically displays 10 randomly selected friends on the left side of your profile (you may need to scroll down to see it). To see more than these 10 friends—or to see more details about each of your friends—you’ve got a few options. You can:
NoteWhen you choose Search by Current City, Hometown, School, Workplace, or Interest, Facebook displays a text field you can use to indicate which particular city, school, company, or hobby you’re interested in grouping your friends by. NoteA cool new feature called Friendship Pages lets you look at the history of any Facebook friendship: posts you and a friend have written on each others’ Walls over the years, Events you attended together, photos you both appear in, and so on. To take a trip down memory lane, head to any friend’s profile page and click the See Friendship link on the right side of the page. (On your News Feed, clicking the See Friendship link that appears in some news items lets you view Friendship Pages chronicling other folks’ relationships.) Organizing Your FriendsThe options Facebook gives you for viewing your friends are great if you have only a handful of pals. But if you’re a hardcore social butterfly with dozens or even hundreds of friends, you’ll want to organize them into separate lists that reflect how you categorize them in your mind. For example, imagine that in addition to your workplace network, you’re involved in a book club, a softball league, and a 12-step program. Creating a separate list for each group of people lets you keep track of your different social circles at a glance. And because Facebook lets you send the same message to all the friends on a single list all at once (see Viewing a Friend List), control how much news about the list you want to see on your News Feed (Chapter 6), and even invite everyone on the list to join the same Group (Chapter 7) or Event (Chapter 8), creating separate Friend Lists helps you communicate with folks quickly and reduces the risk of having your worlds collide. NoteFriend Lists are for your eyes only—your friends never see which lists, if any, you’ve added them to. Creating a Friend ListFacebook lets you create up to 100 different Friend Lists, each of which can contain up to 1,000 names. (Of course, unless you’re a politician, you probably won’t need anywhere near that many.) Here’s how to create one:
Viewing a Friend ListTo see all the people on a particular Friend List:
If you want to see what everyone on a particular Friend List has been up to lately, head to your Home page by clicking the word “facebook” or “Home” at the top of any screen. On the left side of the screen, click the Friends link, and then click the name of the list you want to see. (If you have a lot of Friend Lists, you may need to click the More link to see them all.) Facebook shows you those friends’ recent activities. Editing a Friend ListOnline or off, social circles and friendships change over time. After you’ve created a Friend List (Organizing Your Friends), you can change its name, add people to it, or delete folks from it. To rename a list:
To add friends to an existing list:
To delete friends from a list, follow the steps for adding a friend to an existing list; but in step 3, instead of typing a new name, mouse over the name of one of the folks already listed and then click the Edit Lists button that appears. Finally, on the drop-down list that appears, click the name of the list you want to delete the friend from (it has a checkmark next to it). Facebook removes the person from that list and deletes the checkmark. TipTo delete a slew of friends from a list quickly: At the top left of any Facebook page, click the Account link and then click Edit Friends. On the left side of your Friends page, click the name of the list you want to thin. On the list page that appears, click the Add Multiple button. Then, in the dialog box that appears, scroll down to browse through all your pals, clicking each blue, checkmarked Facebook friend you want to delete from your list (the checkmark disappears after you click it to let you know that friend is off the list). When you finish, click the Save List button. Deleting a Friend ListMaybe you created a Friend List and find you never use it. Or maybe the number of friends on one of your Friend Lists has dwindled to nothing. Whatever your reason, deleting a Friend List is easy:
Breaking Up: Unfriending FriendsBreaking up is never easy, but sometimes you just gotta do it. Say one of your Facebook friends stabs you in the electronic back by posting inappropriate stuff on your Wall or spamming all your other friends, and you really have no choice but to cut him loose. To remove someone from your collection of Facebook friends:
What does it mean to befriend someone on Facebook?Friending on Facebook helps you stay connected with people you care about. Adding a friend means you may see each other's activity in Feed, Stories and Photos. When you want to add a friend on Facebook, keep in mind: You should send friend requests to people you know and trust.
How do you befriend someone?How to Start a Friendship. Start the conversation. When you're with someone you'd like to know better, start a conversation. ... . Show interest. Even if you're just meeting someone, you can make them feel comfortable by asking the right questions and being a good listener. ... . Smile. ... . Share. ... . Do a small favor. ... . Keep it going.. Why can I not befriend someone on Facebook?If you're currently not able to send friend requests, this is usually because: You recently sent a lot of friend requests. Your past friend requests have gone unanswered. Your past friend requests were marked as unwelcome.
How do I send a friend request on Facebook if there is no option?If you don't see the “Add as Friend” button, it's because the person you're trying to befriend has adjusted her privacy settings to block friend requests (see Chapter 14 for details). Fill out the confirmation box that appears and then click Send Request.
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