Once upon a time in hollywood on hbo max

SPOILERS IN THE FINAL PARAGRAPHS.....

You should know, right from the start, that I think Quentin Tarantino possesses shards of brilliance. The glittery bits of genius (yes, I said genius) for me are Reservoir Dogs, Pulp Fiction, and Kill Bill 1 & 2.

The rest of his work? Not so much. Jackie Brown? Didn’t get it. Inglorious Bastards, Death Proof, the Hateful Eight and Django Unchained? Nah. No thanks.

So I wasn’t sure what I was expecting with Once Upon a Time. Not much, really, but I was willing to check it out once it was a $5.99 rental. (There’s not much I’d pay to see in the theater and even fewer that I’d actually buy.)

The first twenty minutes or so were not encouraging. DiCaprio’s performance was over the top, and the character not so sympathetic. I was beginning to think I was in for a total snoozer, but then Damian Lewis showed up on the screen, doing a tragically brief but brilliant channeling of Steve McQueen. I kept hoping he would come back, but alas.... no.

Then we came to the part where DiCaprio, desperate to save his career, is filming a guest appearance on a TV Western opposite Timothy Olyphant (I would watch Olyphant wash a car, or make a sandwich, whatever). Suddenly, DiCaprio’s character, Rick Dalton, acts his ass off! The screen crackles with drama, tension, and these amazing performances from both DiCaprio and Olyphant that made me want to see how the rest of the episode of the tv show turned out.

Pitt’s character is much more low key. His best moments are when he takes his shirt off on the roof to fix a broken tv antenna (he still looks mighty fine in that scene), and feeding his pit bull, Brandy.

If you don’t know the movie’s premise, it’s been described as a love letter to the “golden age of Hollywood.” It captures 1969 so vividly that it’s almost like an acid trip in which all the colors are brighter than real life, the details sharp enough to cut. Real stars and celebrities of that day are played by today’s familiar faces -- like Damian Lewis as McQueen -- that come and go so quickly I missed half of them, and only realized they were there when I watched the credits. Harley Quinn Smith (Kevin Smith’s kid) as one of the Manson girls? Sure, why not! Right there with Dakota Fanning and Rumer Willis.

(Can I say, however, that Al Pacino was completely wasted? Well, I’m saying it.)

The movie is a tapestry of very real events leading up to the Manson family murders of Sharon Tate and friends, a collage of people and places right out of Hollywood legend, and Tarantino’s own film universe (Big Kahuna Burgers and Red Apple Cigarettes, anyone?) I kept pausing to look things up, and found too many fascinating strings to untangle. Did you know that Manson actually approached Steve McQueen with a script, and McQueen ended up breaking Manson’s nose?

I think one of the reasons Tarantino’s movies appeal so much is that I can recognize much of his references, allusions, and tributes; it gives me this sense of being in some cool “inner circle.” Which is kinda funny because Tarantino has to be one of the biggest nerds to ever succeed in Hollywood since Woody Allen.

But as the movie progressed, that sense of impending doom grew heavier and heavier. We all know what happens, right? Margot Robbie as Sharon Tate comes to life as someone on the brink of success and happiness and all that stupid hope with a genuine sweetness that is not the least bit saccharine. I felt more and more protective of her, more afraid for her, and seriously considered not watching the inevitable end. I mean, this was Tarantino, right? Telling the story of one of the most brutal and horrific crimes in American history, right? The combination could be nothing less than a blood bath, right?

SPOILER ALERT... GO NO FURTHER UNLESS YOU WANT TO KNOW HOW IT ENDS...
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But it doesn’t happen. At least, not the way it actually unfolded, not the story we all know too well.

A drunken DiCaprio sees Tex Watson, Susan Atkins and Patricia Krenwinkle in their rattle-trap, oil-smoking car outside his house, and comes storming out into the street to yell at the “dirty hippies.” They leave, but then return.... not to the Polanski house next door, but to DiCaprio’s house where he is lounging in the pool with headphones on, drinking an entire pitcher of margaritas. His new wife is asleep in the bedroom, and his pal Pitt, stoned on an acid-laced cigarette, is trying without much success to feed his adorable and ever-patient pit bull, Brandy.

The violence comes, but it is the Manson groupies who bleed like the proverbial stuck pigs. The action is somewhere between Pulp Fiction and Reservoir Dogs on the bucket-of-blood-ometer. Pitt hits one of the girls in the face with an airborne can of dog food that apparently blinds her, then repeatedly bashes in the face of another against the fireplace mantle.

He punches Tex Watson in the face and then gives Brandy the command to attack. First the dutiful Brandy tries to chew his arm off, then latches onto his balls and refuses to let go.

Only when the half-blind and still screaming girl stumbles into the backyard does DiCaprio notice what’s going on. She comes after him in the pool, bleeding all over the place and screaming, screaming, screaming like an ADHD demon fresh from hell. DiCaprio grabs a handy flamethrower (from one of his movies) and reduces her to a KFC extra crispy two-piece meal deal. (She’s still screaming as the flames consume her, and I would have gladly killed her myself just to shut her up.)

This is when -- softly, sweetly -- Tarantino gives us the fairy tale ending for which we love Hollywood, even when we know it’s a lie. Everyone survives except the would-be killers. Sharon, her houseguests and her unborn child are safe. The wounded Pitt wisecracks as the paramedics put him in the ambulance. DiCaprio’s daydream of befriending the Polanskis comes true as he is invited in for a drink to tell them about the terrible events of the evening. His wife takes a couple of sleeping pills and retires to bed with Brandy, the pit bull, gently snoring beside her.

It is not just a surprise, but something enormously comforting. A terrible story was rewritten, letting us hope that, just perhaps, in some parallel universe, lives were spared, and the evil got what they deserved. A fantasy, yes... but a nice one in a terrible, terrible world.

Is Once Upon a Time in Hollywood on HBO Max?

Watch Once Upon a Time in... Hollywood | Movies | HBO Max.

Is Once Upon a Time in Hollywood streaming anywhere?

Hulu, Disney+, and ESPN+

Is Once Upon a Time in Hollywood on Netflix or Amazon?

Watch Once Upon a Time in Hollywood | Netflix.

Is Once Upon a Time in Hollywood on Hulu or Netflix?

The movie currently isn't available to stream Netflix, Hulu or Prime in the U.S., but it can be streamed on DIRECTV and Starz. Once Upon A Time In Hollywood is also available to purchase from Amazon, Vudu, Google Play, iTunes, and YouTube.